“How to Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Control” is a psychological and philosophical framework that emphasizes emotional control and mental health. Although the exact origin of the “63” designation is still not well understood in popular culture, the fundamental ideas are largely derived from modern cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and ancient philosophies like stoicism. The number “63” itself isn’t associated with any particular historical person or book; rather, it frequently acts as a memorable, nearly mnemonic, identification for a set of useful techniques meant to promote a more resilient & tranquil way of thinking. One of the main principles of this framework is the basic dichotomy of control.
This idea, which has its roots in Stoic philosophy, asserts that there are two types of human experience: things that are under our control and things that are not. The framework contends that devoting mental & emotional energy to the latter is a major cause of human suffering. Anxiety, stress, and constant worrying can be decreased by people recognizing and refocusing their energies on areas of their lives that they can control.
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The Influence of Stoicism. Ancient Greek stoicism, especially Epictetus’s teachings, serves as the foundation for this method. In his Enchiridion, Epictetus famously said, “We can control some things, but not others.”. He underlined how crucial it is to understand this difference and concentrate solely on the things that we can actually control, such as our impulses, desires, aversions, and judgments. This ancient wisdom is translated into a contemporary, understandable format by the “63” framework, which encourages practitioners to internalize this idea as a fundamental truth about life.
Similarities to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Significant conceptual overlap also exists in contemporary cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). According to CBT, the main cause of emotional distress is maladaptive thought patterns.
Predictive anxiety, catastrophic thinking, & rumination are characteristics of this category, which frequently includes worrying about uncontrollable events. “63” promotes methods similar to cognitive restructuring, in which people learn to question & reframe their ideas, moving from an emphasis on external, uncontrollable threats to an internal locus of control that emphasizes their response and agency. The growth of a perceptive mind that can correctly classify situations & events is a key component of “63.”. Humans are prone to feel helpless in circumstances where they have substantial agency or to think they have more influence than they actually do, so this is not always an intuitive process. The framework promotes a methodical approach to this identification.
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The Metaphor of the Sphere of Influence. Consider your life to be made up of several concentric circles. Your sphere of control is right in the middle. This innermost circle encompasses your ideas, convictions, dispositions, values, endeavors, decisions, and responses.
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These are the things that you have direct, indisputable control over. This is the immediate area in which you have influence. This includes relationships, reputation, workplace, & community aspects, among other things you can indirectly affect. Although you cannot completely control these, you can greatly influence them with the decisions & actions you take within your sphere of influence.
For instance, although you have no control over another person’s feelings, you can choose to speak politely, which may affect how they react. The area of concern is beyond these two. Everything else is included in this enormous outer ring, including the weather, worldwide pandemics, changes in the economy, other people’s viewpoints, historical occurrences, uncertain futures, and life’s inherent randomness.
These are phenomena that are largely beyond your direct or indirect control. The “63” framework claims that this outermost sphere is where the majority of worrying takes place. Developing the self-control to mentally distance oneself from the area of concern and focus inward is a primary goal. Practical Categorization Exercises. In order to put this into practice, it is advised to regularly evaluate oneself. When a concern comes up, consider the following.
Is this something I can directly change or affect right now? (If yes, it’s in your sphere of control. ). Can I affect this with my choices or actions? If so, it falls within your sphere of influence. (). Is this purely external, unrelated to what I’ve done? If so, it falls under your purview. ().
This methodical questioning aids in defining the limits of individual agency. Strategic mental resource allocation, not apathy toward the outside world, is the aim. Developing the ability to categorize effectively is the first step; the next is learning how to accept the uncontrollable and disengage from the emotional weight that comes with it. This is an active, deliberate decision to give up the fight against the unchangeable rather than a passive resignation.
Accepting Impermanence as a Reality. Every aspect of life is constantly changing. Things change, events transpire, & nothing stays the same. Opposition to this innate impermanence is the root of many concerns. The “63” method promotes acceptance of this fact, acknowledging that even stable circumstances eventually change.
Like a river that never stops flowing, one’s own circumstances are constantly shifting. Anxiety and frustration are inevitable when one tries to stop the flow of life, to cling to a specific condition or result. This acceptance entails admitting that some results are out of one’s control. For instance, if a flight is delayed because of bad weather, complaining or worrying about it won’t make the weather better. Although it may not be pleasant, accepting the delay enables one to refocus attention on what can be done, such as finding other forms of entertainment, alerting contacts, or just taking a break.
Engaging in mindful awareness exercises. Detachment is greatly aided by mindfulness. One can observe concerns without getting caught up in them by keeping their attention on the here & now.
When a thought about an uncontrollable future event occurs, mindfulness invites you to acknowledge it as just a thought, note its existence without passing judgment, and then gently bring your focus back to the present. As a result, the self & the worry become psychologically separated. This state of mindfulness can be developed through methods such as body scans, meditation, or just focusing on your senses—sights, sounds, and smells.
It is comparable to watching clouds move across the sky; you do not attempt to push them away or climb on top of them. You just take note of their fleeting nature.
“It Is What It Is”: Its Power. Despite being frequently written off as condescending, this straightforward statement has a lot of power within the “63” framework. It serves as a succinct summary of acceptance. Saying “it is what it is” can be a potent mental circuit breaker when confronted with an uncontrollable circumstance.
It recognizes the situation without condoning it and, more importantly, without mentally resisting it. The subconscious is informed by this verbal affirmation that the battle is over, which releases mental energy. Distinguishing this from apathy is crucial. “It is what it is” isn’t about not caring; rather, it’s about realizing that caring becomes ineffective when it goes beyond the boundaries of personal agency.
It is a calculated retreat from an unwinnable conflict.
“63” emphasizes accepting the uncontrollable, but it is not a philosophy of dormancy. Conversely, it promotes proactive engagement with what is under one’s control—one’s own actions and reactions. At this point, the framework shifts from internal observation to involvement with the outside world. concentrating on your abilities. The next step is to determine any nearby, controllable actions after identifying an uncontrollable situation.
For example, you can concentrate on controllable activities like updating your resume, networking, or learning new skills if you are concerned about a possible job loss (an uncontrollable outcome). Although they cannot ensure a particular result, these activities foster a sense of agency & lessen a sense of powerlessness. A competent sailor serves as the metaphor in this instance. Even in choppy conditions, they can maximize their chances of reaching their destination by adjusting their sails and steering their rudder, even though they have no control over the wind or the waves.
“What if X happens?” becomes “If X happens, what steps can I take?” as a result of this proactive approach, which prepares one for contingencies instead of merely dreading them. Creating a Contingency Mentality.
The “63” framework promotes the growth of a “contingency mindset” as an alternative to a fear of the unknown. In order to have a clear, workable plan in place in case of an emergency, this entails mentally preparing for a variety of outcomes—not to dwell on them. This lessens the shock & immobility that frequently follow unanticipated difficulties. For instance, you might create a plan B or even a plan C if you are concerned about a big project failing rather than just being afraid of it.
Although this mental exercise seems to cause more worry at first, it actually turns anxiety into strategic planning. The focus shifts from the negative outcome itself to the preparedness to navigate it. The Strength of Little, Regular Efforts. Major life transitions or obstacles can frequently feel too much to handle. Breaking down necessary actions or desired responses into small, manageable steps is encouraged by the “63” approach. Regular, small-scale actions within one’s area of influence add up over time, boosting self-esteem and lessening the perceived severity of more significant issues.
Take the example of someone who is concerned about their financial future—a wide-ranging and sometimes debilitating worry. Tracking daily spending, establishing a modest weekly savings target, or dedicating 15 minutes a day to researching investment options are examples of controllable actions. Even though they don’t solve the problem right away, these little, regular efforts build momentum and a sense of accomplishment, which helps to offset the sense of being lost in uncontrollable circumstances. Developing a strong sense of mental resilience and cultivating enduring inner peace are the ultimate objectives of implementing the “63” framework.
Instead of avoiding hardship, this is accomplished by building the mental toughness to deal with it head-on. Changing the meaning of success and failure. External results and accomplishments are frequently central to traditional societal definitions of success & failure. The “63” viewpoint promotes redefining oneself internally. Instead of focusing only on achieving external goals—many of which are impacted by uncontrollable factors—success is increasingly seen through the lenses of effort, integrity, and adherence to one’s values.
Regardless of the final grade—which can be affected by the difficulty of the questions, the professor’s grading rubric, or even the performance of other students—a student may view a successful outcome as putting forth their best effort on a difficult exam. Failure in this context is more about a lack of effort or a departure from one’s values than it is about the result. The emotional impact of outside “failures” is lessened by this redefinition, which also gives people the confidence to succeed through their own, manageable actions. The Gratitude Practice. Gratitude is a potent remedy for anxiety and worry. People can alter their emotional state by deliberately concentrating on aspects of their lives that are constructive and under their control—or even just present.
Daily gratitude exercises, like writing down three things for which one is thankful or just pausing to enjoy a satisfying meal or a peaceful moment, help divert attention from the things that are uncontrollable or lacking. This is about developing an internal reservoir of positive emotion and perspective, not about ignoring problems. It serves as an anchor during turbulent times by acting as a counterweight to the pull of outside concerns. long-term outlook.
Immediate concerns can frequently feel overwhelming. Taking a long-term view can put present worries in perspective. Over the course of months or years, many things that initially seem overwhelming lose their significance. Asking questions like “Will this matter in five years?” or “How will I view this situation in a decade?” can help one understand how important current issues are in relation to one another. Rather than dismissing immediate emotions, this long-term perspective is intended to provide a more comprehensive frame of reference, similar to looking at a tiny ripple on a lake from above, where it seems less significant in the vast expanse of water.
This viewpoint can promote serenity & serve as a reminder that people are capable of overcoming transient obstacles. Although the “63” framework has many advantages, there may be some drawbacks or areas that need more careful consideration. These must be covered in order to give a thorough summary.
The Peril of Passivity. The slide into apathy or indifference is one possible misunderstanding of distinguishing between controllable and uncontrollable. Opponents may contend that by merely classifying social injustices, environmental issues, or other people’s suffering as “uncontrollable” from an individual’s point of view, such a philosophy could promote their dismissal. Advocates of “63” would respond, however, that the framework specifically promotes involvement within one’s sphere of influence.
One person can choose to lessen their own carbon footprint, support organizations that are working on solutions, or advocate for changes in policy, even though they cannot stop global warming on their own. Engaging in these activities, which are under one’s control and influence, is in complete harmony with the framework and stands in stark contrast to indifferent indifference. The difference is that energy should be focused on productive action rather than pointless worry. oversimplifying difficult problems.
Life is often nuanced, and clear-cut distinctions between what is controllable and uncontrollable can sometimes be challenging to make. Certain circumstances involve a complex network of both internal & external variables. For instance, telling someone who is dealing with systemic problems to concentrate only on their controllable aspects may come across as mocking of the more significant structural obstacles they must overcome. The “63” framework is best used in these situations as a guiding principle rather than as a strict regulation.
It encourages people to use any factor—no matter how minor—that they can control as leverage. Even if the wall cannot be directly toppled, the goal is to identify the wall’s cracks. This frequently entails working together to broaden one’s group’s sphere of influence. Issues with emotional suppression.
An additional critique might be that emphasizing detachment could result in emotional suppression, where people are urged to ignore or rationalize their emotions instead of dealing with them. This area of nuance is very important. The “63” framework does not support disregarding feelings. Rather, it advocates recognizing feelings without letting them dictate one’s behavior or emotional state, especially when those feelings are connected to uncontrollable outside circumstances. Instead of immersing oneself in emotions (“X is happening, and I am consumed by anxiety”), it promotes a mindful observation of emotions (“I am feeling anxious about X”). By keeping emotions from escalating into pointless worry or rumination, this distinction promotes healthy emotional processing.
Similar to thoughts, emotions are a part of the internal landscape that a person can monitor and control. Ultimately, “How to Stop Worrying About Things You Can’t Control” (“63”) offers a strong, useful, and historically relevant framework for promoting mental health. By identifying the limits of their agency & carefully focusing their attention on action, acceptance, and a resilient mindset, it enables people to recover their mental energy.
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